For today’s Life Inspired feature, I have a little treat for you just in time for Christmas!  The person you are about to meet is a talented and beautiful, George Michael-loving woman named Debbie.  She is a talented writer here in New Braunfels, as well as a photographer, a wife, a mom, and a friend. As if those roles didn’t keep her busy enough, she’s also the leader of the local Business Among Moms networking community here in New Braunfels. You can find info about the local chapter HERE.

Without further ado, Debbie…

When did you realize that your life was being held back by fear or self-doubt, and what kept you from moving forward?

I realized that over the course of the past two years, I was allowing myself to live and fear, and limiting my beliefs about myself to what others thought (or even what I perceived that they thought), and not living fully in my potential, or in line with the dreams and plans. Basically, I had allowed the power of my confidences to be given to critics, and to my circumstances. I had moved away from everything I knew to start over, all for good reasons, and all with clear plans. However, as nothing went my way, or as I had planned, and as other life challenges arose, I felt isolated, "different", sad, and very lonely.  Life was getting into all the nooks and crannies of my joy, and diminishing it. It diminished ME.  Instead of living with intent and choosing to be happy, I was struggling with stress, and not handling the chaos in my private life well. I felt like I was losing so much of who I am, and who I wanted to be. I felt hopeless to fix any of the things around me. It seemed like one thing after the other was just going wrong. For once, I allowed myself to give in and let the usually strong me hide. 

What triggered you to no longer live a life of fear and self doubt?

I was involved in a mastermind group that I truly loved and knew would help me grow. Plans were made, hopes were reignited and I was ready to transition into the next chapter of everything I was doing. In the middle of it, I realized that I really wasn't putting the best of myself into it. I was second-guessing my own abilities and noticed a lot of self-sabotaging comments coming from my mouth. It was also noticeable to others. Peers, friends who were close to me, and ladies within groups I belonged to, including my mastermind.   It was especially obvious that I was living in fear to my mastermind mentor, and she had a conversation with me, talking to me in the form of tough love, mostly because she cared and knew me well, and also because we were trying to get to the root of things. Eventually, I was paused in the mastermind, so that I could regain my confidence, turn my mindset around, and begin to live again in the good and the gifts I had. Gifts that I had swept under a rug of self-doubt, worthlessness and comparisons. All of the stressors in my life, that were out of my control, were all dictating how I should live. It seemed like I was failing at everything instead of managing my way through it. I’d never allowed myself to be a victim before, and I have faced some hard life circumstances. This time though, I was almost giving in. I dimmed my light. I hadn't even realized how badly I had done this, until this point, and I was so saddened, and hurt, that I had given away my power and value to others and to things.  I KNEW at that point, I HAD to rediscover myself, my worth, and be confident. I didn’t want to completely lose me.

What did you have to let go of in order to take the leap to move forward?

I was balancing some work things and involved in places that really were not serving me, or aligning with my ultimate goals. I was also allowing the behavioural challenges that my daughter was going through to make me feel powerless, and I had to let go of owning all of her "junk". Her emotional and mental health issues are zero fun, and affected me far more than I knew they would. I was living in shame, and constantly measuring myself up to other mothers, and none of those things was doing anything helpful, and in fact, were destroying the little glimmers of happiness I had, and were severely affecting my relationships at home and with others. I wasn't present 100% in many of the areas of work I was and felt constant judgement from others when I wasn't able to be the best of myself. I felt I had to somehow measure up to what they thought I should be and how they thought I should act, instead of taking care of myself, knowing my values and heart, as well as my capabilities, would shine through had I let them, instead of sinking lower into a depression.

I basically minimized who and what I was, and second-guessed everything, even my ultimate dream of book writing, and instead lived inside the (un)truths of the opinions and thoughts of others, and allowed negativity to be my queen. ALL OF IT HAD TO GO. I had to choose ME. Over ALL of the other things. Over all other expectations. Over all other circumstances. I refined my time, my circles, and my mindset. I stopped trying to please everyone else. I stopped feeling down that I wasn’t being treated how I deserved to be, or that people were judging me,  and instead I valued myself more and stood behind my decisions and reasonings, and what I was capable of, and prayed that I could regain the love for myself that I had lost. I’m happy to say that I am finding her again, and letting go of the circumstances I cannot control, and even starting to not be hurt personally by exclusion from others, or how they treat me, or gossip surrounding my life. With the help of a mindset coach, I have tackled the limitations I had placed on myself. I mended the guilt from the mistakes I had made, and I made peace with the choices I had made in the midst. I am also allowing myself to shine again. Taking the time to make sure I am happy and successful in the things I am good at does not mean I am forsaking my daughter's needs, or being prideful and selfish. It means I am choosing to be the BEST version of myself, knowing my heart is good, and being confident in the reasons behind my feelings and how I handle the stressful situations my life goes through. 

What did you find on the other side of fear that made it worth it?

I’m not all the way through the other side. I still have to carefully process thoughts and feelings now, before I react. I still lack confidences in some aspects, and I still have stress. However, for the most part, I am finding love in the little things again. I am adopting an aura of hope instead of hopelessness, and I am making moves in the areas of my life I had dreamed about, without fearing failure. If I fail, it’s okay. It isn’t about only success. It is about doing something that brings happiness. It is about finding a way to shine my light and being proud of myself again. It is to care less about the opinions of others, and to care more about how I am treating others instead. Especially when it comes to people struggling with a family member or friend, who has similar mental health dispositions like my daughter. I am finding it easier and easier to be transparent in these struggles and be open about my need for grace, and ask for help. I also, and this is huge, feel excitement about the things that are happening in my life now that I have let go of the weights, and am focusing on what I can do, and do well! 

What would you tell someone (or your former self) who still feels held back by fear or self-doubt?

If there was anyone feeling like I am, struggling with depression and confidence, or feeling overwhelmed with things out of your control, but that affect you deeply, I’d tell them that they are NOT alone. However dire the circumstance, however hurtful and awful their pain, however debilitating their fears. You are worthy. You are valuable. You have a story to share. You will be a light to someone who needs you. If you are broken, you're welcome in my life, if you are sad, I will listen. Surround yourself with YOUR people. It may not always be the people you want, but it will be the people you NEED. And, that matters more. 

Is there anything else you would like to share.

If you are feeling emotional, and inadequate, and vulnerable to a point of isolation, and sadness, get help. It is not something to feel ashamed of. You are not a lost cause. It may not always feel like it in the moment, but there will be an end to the pain. 

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out for help.

New Braunfels - Mental or Behavioral Health Crisis:

Our well-trained staff are dedicated to assisting adults, teens and children experiencing a mental health crisis. Help is available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. If you or someone you know is needing assistance, please call Hill Country MHDD Centers Crisis Hotline at
877-466-0660.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.