Robin R. | Life Inspired

We are not alone.  Even when that’s how it feels.  I hope that this project has shown you that.  We are more alike than different.  We all have a story.  And we always have the power to make our lives better.  NOW.  One day at a time.  The women who have shared their stories with us here are both inspiring and courageous.  I am honored they chose to spend time with me to create their beautiful portraits and have so generously shared with us how they’ve overcome a life held back by fear and self-doubt. The woman you are about to meet is a sweet and beautiful soul.  And, I might add, a talented actor.  She is an absolutely amazing mama!  She is stronger than she knows.  Her warmth and light shine through, greeting you with a familiar and loving presence.  I am so thankful that she chose to participate in this project and share her story with us.

Without further ado, meet Robin.  

When did you realize that your life was being held back by fear or self-doubt, and what kept you from moving forward?  

I'm not sure if I can pinpoint a time when I realized it.  Fear and self-doubt have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories was suffering abuse at the hands of several boys, all much older than I, when I was about 4 or 5. To have something happen like that so early on in your life when that first glimmer of "self" is only just starting to develop can definitely alter how you see yourself and the world around you for the rest of your life. Now that I am a mother with a daughter not much younger than I was when I was assaulted, I've only just now begun to go back to that memory and see just how damaging that was to me.  So perhaps through her, I am now able to fully tap into that part of me who is still that frightened little girl and work on healing her. I want to take her hand, like I do with my daughter's, and say "I'm here.  It's okay. You're safe now."

What triggered you to no longer live a life of fear or self-doubt?  

I don't believe that I will ever live without fear or self-doubt. No one can. We all have fears and self-doubt in one way or another.  I believe now more so than ever that having those feelings isn't the problem. It is what we choose to do with feelings. Do we allow them to bring suffering in your life, or do you use them to spur you forward into making change and progressing.  I've battled with depression all my life, and after the birth of my daughter, I was plunged into such a soul sucking state of postpartum darkness that didn't let up. I kept waiting and waiting for this cloud to lift. It never did.  I started to become someone who I barely recognized and thoughts of suicide were becoming that annoying person who invites themselves to dinner but you're too tired to turn them away. With my daughters 3rd birthday giggling around the corner, I knew I had to do something. So, I elected to take a path I had once said I'd never traverse by getting on an antidepressant.  I've "medicated" in so many other ways, both destructive and not.  But now, with the help of this medication, the layers of darkness are lifting. I see light on the horizon.

What did you have to let go of in order to take the leap to move forward? 

My ego.

What did you find on the other side of fear that made it worth it?

A version of myself who I've missed because she's been gone for a very long time.

What would you tell someone (or your former self) who still feels held back by fear or self-doubt? 

You're not alone. You're worthy.  You're not stuck even if it seems like the world is doing everything it can to hold you down. There is always someone or something that can pull you out of this hole.  That person is, and always will be, you.

“You're not alone. You're worthy. You're not stuck even if it seems like the world is doing everything it can to hold you down. There is always someone or something that can pull you out of this hole. That person is, and always will be, you.”

Is there anything else you would like to share?  

I've been studying the Buddhist concept of Mindfulness, peace, and non-violence as of late. So far it's mostly been an academic endeavor, but slowly I'm working on incorporating these concepts into my daily life. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk and a great teacher of what Mindfulness is. I've come to admire his work as his teachings have helped me get out from under the thumb of depression, bitterness, regret, fear and all of these things I struggle with. I want to finish this with some of his words:

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”