Teresa N. | Life Inspired Project
Originally published June 13, 2016
Ladies and gentlemen, this week I am so delighted to be able to present to you Teresa! She told me that she “almost” didn’t go through with being a part of this Life Inspired Project. I am so grateful that she did; we had a great time at her photo shoot and her story is definitely one that needs to be heard. It has been so amazing getting to know each of these incredible women through this project. If you'd like to learn more about this Life Inspired project, check out all of the details HERE! And, as always, if you'd like to nominate yourself or someone else, contact me today!
Please take a moment to read Teresa’s story. She’s just such a beautiful person. Her quiet strength, her sense of humor, her laugh that comes so easily… The feeling of peace that I felt when sitting next to her. She has an enthusiasm about her that makes it apparent that she’s living a life not stifled by fear and self-doubt. And in chatting with her, the love for her family and her life becomes abundantly apparent!
Hair/makeup by Sara Butts
When did you realize that your life was being held back by fear or self-doubt, and what kept you from moving forward?
I was not an overly confident person as I entered adulthood anyway, but after being in a domestic violence relationship for 5 years I became acutely aware that every ounce of self-confidence, self-esteem and courage I might have had, had been stripped away. After several years of being married to an abuser I began noticing things I hadn’t before, like my lack of individuality or my instant anxiety when something didn’t go as planned. As things escalated and I found myself having to account for every minute of my time not spent with him or giving up things I enjoyed I had thoughts like “this isn’t how I pictured my perfect life” and although I wanted things to change I just kept hoping that my “perfect life” would become a reality if I was just better or more supportive in our relationship. That’s when I became pregnant with our daughter.
What triggered you to no longer live a life of fear or self-doubt?
There were two moments that created positive change for me. The first moment came when my daughter’s dad hit me while I was holding her. At that moment I realized that he nearly hit her too and it hadn’t stopped him, which meant he could do it again. I had to do everything possible to keep that from happening. We were also in a public parking lot, where a witness had watched this happen and did nothing but leave the scene. I believed that no one would help us if it got worse.
The second moment was after I made the decision to leave and was going to tell my husband. I asked my mom to come stay the weekend and decided to tell him with her present. My mom sat quietly in the other room as I told my husband that I was leaving and wanted a divorce. He was outraged but tried to talk me into changing my mind, to the point that I nearly threw my hands in the air and caved………but then I remembered my strong, silent mother was sitting in the other room and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of her and pulled myself together. I was shaking with fear but adamantly announced I wasn’t changing my mind.
It was a slow process building up my self-esteem and confidence again but after going through all that I did in that relationship, I also found new confidence in surviving it.
What did you have to let go of in order to take the leap to move forward?
I think the hardest thing to let go of in order to start moving forward was the idea of what my adult life was supposed to look like. I left high school with the notion that I would marry the perfect man, we would both get our college degrees and then professional jobs, we would have several perfect children and have the beautiful house, cars and pets that would complete our perfect adult life.
Once I realized that I hadn’t married the perfect man the rest of that dream could no longer become a reality. I had to let go of my first idea of what “perfect” looked like.
What did you find on the other side of fear that made it worth it?
It’s been a long road to the other side of fear…..and I think I’m almost there. Along that road has been another failed marriage, which created fear and doubt that I would ever have a successful relationship. But then I met someone who was encouraging, supportive and made me feel like I was super special..…I believed that I’d spend the rest of my life with him. But after spending only seven years together he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away a year ago. This raised new fears, of course, but I’m making my way through those too.
What I’ve found is my confidence, personal power and self-esteem again. Not just the minimal amount I had before, but more than I ever thought possible for me. I run a nonprofit, I bought a house on my own, I changed a chandelier in my dining room and lived to talk about it. I can do just about anything I set my mind to now, and that’s what made it worth pushing through that initial fear over 25 years ago.
What would you tell someone (or your former self) who still feels held back by fear or self-doubt?
I think sometimes we don’t realize we’re being held back by fear or self-doubt. We make excuses for why we can’t or won’t do things, but with age comes life experience and wisdom to see things more clearly. I know that I check in with myself more often now when I feel myself backing away from something that seems too hard or out of my comfort zone. I ask myself a few questions:
Is it something I really want to do, say, experience?
Is there a chance I will regret not taking the opportunity?
Would I encourage my daughter or someone I love to take the chance if it meant this much to them?
Could it possibly be any worse than anything I’ve experienced in my life so far.
Is there anything else you would like to share?
Inquiring about this Life Inspired project was something I almost didn’t do because of fear. I feared being in front of a camera. I feared telling my story. I feared that my story wouldn’t be “right” for this project. I feared almost everything about doing it. But I did it anyway, because we’ll always have to deal with fear and self-doubt, and I’m learning that every time I walk through it something amazing is waiting on the other side.
